Penny Pinching Philanthropist

Here is a little something about myself. First of all, I am extremely frugal. I drove my roommate crazy just picking out a kitchen table because I could not decide on the table and thought spending a couple hundred dollars on a table and chairs was ridiculous! She kept reiterating that I had a big girl job and could make big girl purchases. And this stands for everything. I can't spend $30 on a pair of jeans or more than $5 on a movie. However there is one thing that makes me want to open my wallet and it may be kind of surprising......Homeless people. And cute little boys and girls club members. And BYU alumni association. And other groups asking for my money for their causes. Whenever I am confronted with someone asking for my money I suddenly feel extremely pressured to give something and my heart goes out for them. Whether they are trying to sell me a subscription to the newspaper that I don't need, or asking for food or water, or helping someone else have the college experience I had, I end up feeling extremely guilty as I just drive by, or close the door or tell them no. For instance. There is always a homeless person at the offramp I take to get home. I inevitably feel so guilty and avoid all eye contact with such individual as I drive off in my new car and they are standing in 100 degree heat with no water. I know many people feel that they are just scamming people and asking for free handouts, or that they are simply wanting money for booze or drugs. But I can't help but think...who knows how they got to this place in their life? What if they are really hungry? But I also think of the dateline specials of how these people are not really even homeless or hungry at all, but use this as their full time job taking other people's stuff. But I don't know that for sure! However, I know its not smart to just hand over your cash either. I might feel guilty but I am no dummy. So I have decided to start carrying costco packages of dried fruit and water in my car to give to the homeless people on the off ramps. I know its not much but its the only thing I can think of to do to try and help them. Perhaps that is the only thing they will get to eat that day, and while its not much, at least its something, right? Perhaps this is just a mild way to ease my conscious and I am not doing them much good anyway, but at least I can think I am helping in some way. Who knows. Now with the other things, I usually choose to screen any and all BYU phone numbers to avoid telling them I cannot donate, and the apartment I live in now has sort of a hidden doorway so the boys and girls club and boy scouts probably can't find it, because I have the hardest time turning them away. But it doesn't stop there. I was at Jiffy Lube the other day and they wanted me to donate 3 dollars to some cause I can't even remember. I feel like the biggest jerk saying no. What about the dollar donation at Wendy's to get your hand print on the wall and proceeds go to make a wish, or what have you? My goodness the list goes on and on, and frankly all this stuff adds up and I don't make that much money mind you. I successfully don't give in to them all, but I have to tell you, it does leave a pit in my stomach and I without fail consider going back and apologizing and handing over the cash. I wish so badly I was just independently wealthy and could say yes to each of these people. But I think then I would probably be on every organizations mailing list, have subscriptions to newsletters and newspapers from who knows where and the phone calls and requests would simply continue to escalate. Am I simply being selfish and stingy? Is it my frugal nature that makes me avoid giving? Will I be judged for turning away those looking for support? Do other people feel this way and it affect them as much as it does me? These are the questions that haunt me every time I turn someone away or say no to someone asking for monetary assistance. Am I alone in this? What are your thoughts? Its a struggle being a penny pinching (would be) philanthropist, but I feel that instead I just end up looking like an ungenerous tightwad.